Easter weekend and spirits are improving due to wiggling fingers and chocolate overdoses. Family and friends flood in with their gifts and messages of support as I put on a brave face and try to enjoy myself. Distracting myself from the reality of the situation had become my main coping mechanism at this point. I am lucky enough to have visitors most of the day but the nights are long and tough. Alarms went off when my heart rate or blood pressure dropped which happened every time I fell asleep. This combined with being woken up every 2 hours for observations and repositioning resulted in some torturous nights wishing time away.
By this point the situation had started to sink in, I understood the potential implications of my injury even if I refused to accept them. Positivity is essential however the expectations of all of my friends and family wasn’t quite matching up with what the doctors were saying. I understand that doctors are inherently negative, it’s their job to make you fully appreciate all of the potential implications. I also understand that everyone else is going to be positive, at least to your face. Don’t get me wrong, I remain positive, but the expectation for me to make a full recovery quickly when the reality could be very different added a huge amount of pressure. Pressure may not be a bad thing, but my fear that I would be letting people down unless I made improvements every day was putting me under a lot of unexpected stress. This is when I discovered that concentrating on short term goals rather than long term outcomes is so important. Be happy that you can wiggle your finger not sad that your legs don’t move. Together we have grown to understand this and that weight of expectation has since been lifted. You have to keep the faith but don’t beat yourself up over progress, just keep digging.
P.s. My mum put these bunny ears on my head because she knew I couldn’t take them off….. If you can’t laugh, you’ll cry. 😂