I know it’s mine, I know how your supposed to move it, I know what it feels like to move it but it just doesn’t want to play ball. It’s a very unnerving experience staring at a body part, telling it to move, and nothing happening. However unnerving it might have been, it was all I was doing, every waking hour just staring at my feet and moving them in my head. I would be lying if I told you I hadn’t been talking to my toes. It would often involve some words of gentle encouragement, followed by a stream of abuse and then occasionally an apology. Some of the nurses definitely thought I was a few pickles short of sandwich but it didn’t bother me because it worked! It took me about 5 minutes to believe that I was in charge and not my previously deceptive toe spasms. However, after a few re tests and an inspection from an independent adjudicator (mum), it was confirmed, I was a toe wiggler.
I believe I will improve, I always have and I always will, but doubts exist. I believe doubts are natural, you can’t get rid of them but you learn ways to manage them. Visiting friends, concentrating on movement and listening to podcasts had all proved effective distractions, however nothing knocks doubt to the back of your mind like a wiggly toe. It’s slow, frustrating and scary but things are finally changing. Keep the faith, fight the doubts and never stop wiggling. ✌️
P.s. Apologies for the minging rugby toe!