Day 14

Give it a go

The initial sadness, anger and desperation had almost subsided, frustration was now the name of the game. Everything about my current situation was frustrating. The claustrophobia, the pain, the sleep, the constant observations, even getting frustrated was frustrating. Out of everything though I think the inability to look after myself in pretty much every way was the worst part. I suppose I’m quite a proud person, I usually don’t like to show weakness or admit when I’m feeling down. However it didn’t take me long to realise that in here you have to learn to leave your pride at the door, after all I was now at my most vulnerable.
Losing your independence is shit. Don’t get me wrong, most people would love to be fed grapes whilst having their feet rubbed, but when it’s happening because you physically can’t do it yourself, it doesn’t quite carry the same allure. Mundane everyday tasks that you take for granted are all of a sudden either impossible or so hard it makes you want throw yourself out of the window. Seeing as I was physically unable to throw myself out of the window, I have decided to take on as many of these mundane tasks as possible. This often results in a neck brace full of food, a straw in the eye or a mouthful of envelope, but I figure, how are you supposed to improve without giving it a go.
I wouldn’t be able to survive without the help of my friends, family and nurses, however each day I try and take back some more of that independence.


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