Day 170

Reminders and Surprises

I’m not sure if I’m getting used to my weaknesses or it’s just because I’m edging closer to my old self, but I’m starting to feel more ‘normal’. Granted ‘normal’ isn’t the operative word to describe the way it feels moving around or trying to undo jam jars, however in general I’m certainly not as restricted as I was. Although this is clearly a blessing and at the end of the day the whole point of the rehab, I have started to fall into the trap of forgetting my limitations. Now I’m not saying that I’ve had a brain fart and accidentally attempted a triple cork off a 10m platform (which I could obviously do before)👀, but I have started to get more challenged by the little things. When you’re in a neck brace or a wheelchair, if you can’t stand or you have a catheter in, then you are constantly reminded of the situation, of your limitations, and therefore nothing comes as a surprise. As these things fall away so do the reminders, and less reminders = more surprises.

Yesterday I went for a dog walk. Stripped back to just my FES (and clothes), I thought here we go, a still, sunny morning, perfect to get a good few miles in…. well usually it would be. So far almost all of my outdoor walking has been done with Physios and a manual handling belt (reminders), this time it was with my Dad and Lois. The first surprise was just how slow i still move compared to your average human. Obviously they were never going to say anything, but holding them up so much was really getting to me. I tried a couple of times to pick up the pace but that would usually result in losing form and/or a stumble. More and more that urge to kick on like I used to is niggling away at me, the mind is willing but my body still has other ideas.

Its moments like this that I take a breath and reflect on where I’ve come from and how fortunate I am to be walking at all. I’ve learnt that the drive to improve isn’t a bad thing, unless it manifests in negative thoughts. So I follow those surprises with a few reminders and i soon find im back on track… The grind roles on and so will I…. slowly slowly catch a monkey 🐒

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